The Morbid Admitting Department Followed by More Morbidness

April 2009

After 10 minutes of catching up on my smut reading in the Admitting holding area at Greenwich Hospital I’m called into one of the offices to begin the admittance process. Basically I sign my life away and make sure they know who to call if I die.

Upon entering the room and sitting down I glance around to take in my surroundings. What is the first thing I notice? A list titled “Funeral Homes” in boldface with contact numbers tacked up next to the telephone, nice. I’m not sure about anyone else, but this is the last thing I want to see as I’m having a wristband with my name and own personal barcode slapped on. Not to mention the question “Are you sure your mother is the only one you want to list as your next of kin?” Thanks lady, why not wheel me into the morgue right now?!

Just as I started to settle into my hospital bed and was concentrating on putting all of the morbid thoughts behind me, I observe a stream of very distraught people moving in and out of the room across the hallway. Normally I wouldn’t take notice of such things, however on this particular visit, I had been placed in the Medical Oncology department, AKA cancer ward. I usually don’t bother the nurse with keeping my door closed as they have to monitor my vitals every 15 minutes, and tend to forget about me which leads to the damn machine beeping uncontrollably until they come back. In an effort to stay on their radar I keep the door open. After this particular visit I will have no problem asking them to close my door in the future.

I’m no longer focused on my reading and I’ve turned off the TV, my attention is now focused on the show that is taking place directly across the hall from my room. After watching 10 or more people move in and out of the room looking visibly shaken, the priest shows up. He appears to float across the hallway and into the room with his floor length black cloak and white collar. I’ve done this hospital thing long enough to know what he was there for. He was there to administer “Last Rites” to the patient, the sacrament of the dying, or as Wikipedia would call it “Anointing of the Sick”. This is when I pressed the nurse button and kindly asked them to close my door. Jesus Mary and Joseph get me the hell out of here!